A Journey through the Desert

Like most people, on January 1 this year, I flipped my calendar to a brand new year with a clean slate and vowed to read through my Bible and loose those pesky five pounds that taunt me each time I get dressed.  2018:  A brand new year - plus this was the year we'd #bringJennyhome!

A friend who happens to be a travel agent had sent us a calendar magnet with her company's logo:  Embrace the Journey.  "What a perfect mantra for this year!" I thought as I put the magnet on our fridge next to Jenny's picture and a list of practically completed steps of the international adoption process.

The Journey to Jenny has been filled with hills and valleys, and along with my self-improvement resolutions, I added a desire to truly embrace our adoption process with all of my heart and soul.

Little did I know our journey was about to head into the desert.  Literally...you all just saw that tumbleweed blow past, right?  

Moses famously led the nation of Israel on a similar journey through the desert.  As I'm progressing through the life of Moses in my Bible study time, I've come to what many people believe to be the driest, most boring book of the Bible:  Numbers.  But hear me out - the parallels are fascinating!

Numbers is the account of a 2 1/2 week road trip through the desert that ends up taking more than 40 years.  Sound familiar?  (Not that our journey has taken 40 years yet even though it feels like it to us, but it's lasted a lot longer than we anticipated when we set out).  Contrary to popular belief, Moses wasn't lost in the desert because he failed to ask for directions.  On the contrary, he and the entire nation of Israel were actually following God.

God had a plan for the Israelites during those 40 years that they "wandered" in the desert.  The Promised Land was their ultimate destination, but along the way they were learning to follow HIM.  They moved when he moved and stayed when he stayed.  3500 years later, Heaven is our ultimate destination, and this life on earth is a journey to get there.  This is where we learn to follow God, move when he moves, and stay when he stays.  

Back to Moses.  Ultimately his story ends just outside the Promised Land.  That's right, he didn't even get to complete the journey because of one seemingly trivial mistake he made in listening to God (ref:  The Waters of Meribah, Numbers 20:8-22).

Poor Moses!  It doesn't seem fair, does it?  Often what happens in life doesn't seem fair, but that's usually because we only see part of the picture.  Life on this earth is finite.  Our lives, even Jenny's life, are but minuscule specks in comparison to the wonderful, glorious eternity that God has planned for those of us who believe in Him. 

And you know what?  Moses did make it into the promised land.  It wasn't in his lifetime, but Jesus himself brought him there 1500 years later.  Mark 9:4:  "And behold two men were talking with Him, and they were Moses and Elijah."  I can only imagine Moses' reaction when he appeared on that mount with Jesus and Elijah.  He had finally made it!

Viv's journey includes embracing the puddles!

In much the same way, we know one day we will complete this journey to Jenny.  We still have faith that it will happen in our lifetime on this earth, but even if it doesn't, we know that Jenny will always be our daughter and when we find her in heaven, it will be a truly wonderful family union!

A Mother's Day Reflection from an Imperfect Mom

Let's face it....this motherhood thing is h-a-to-the-r-d.

Viv, c. April 2015

There are many times that I feel like a failure as a mom:  When my infant was declared "failure to thrive" because of her slow weight gain.  Or when she wasn't sitting up at 6 months like the books said she should be.  Or when she couldn't count to 10 by her first birthday like my friend's kid could.

Or like last week, when she completely and blatantly ignored my requests to get her water bottle and sit at the table to get ready for dinner.   It wasn't her behavior that made me feel like a failure, per se.  It was when I raised my voice out of exasperation (desperation?) and yelled at her to "listen to mommy!" I knew I had reached my breaking point, flipped my lid, and broke one of the cardinal rules of Connected Parenting.

"That's it," I thought to myself and said to God.  "I can't do this mom thing.  I'm not good at it and there's no way God will allow me to adopt a traumatized child when I can't even lovingly discipline my own biological child."

The enemy loves to steal our hope and feed us lies, doesn't he?  I have moments like these more frequently than I care to admit to you face to face.  I'm supposed to look like I have it all together and that my well-behaved little angel is a picture of perfection and a direct reflection of my unparalleled parenting skills.

Back to the incident in question:  as soon as I raised my voice, Vivien promptly got her water bottle and settled herself at the dining room table.  But that didn't erase the fact that I had lost my cool.  As we were eating and I was feeling like a failure for the umpteenth time that day, she looked up at me and softly said "I didn't listen, mommy.  I should get a timeout."  And with that, she left her seat at the table, climbed the stairs, and put herself in her room for a self-inflicted timeout as Justin and I sat dumbfoundedly starting at each other.

Could it be?  Are we doing something right?  What three-year-old puts herself in timeout?

I wish I could say that this incident is the norm in the Etter house, but lest you think we're super-parents, let me assure you that it is far from typical.  To date, that was the only time Vivien has inflicted a self-induced punishment.  And she still drives me up the wall when she blatantly ignores me.

But I do think that God gives us those "parenting wins" when we need them most.  I was in a very dark place, questioning my qualifications as a mother, when He spoke to me, through Vivien's actions, and said "See?  You can do this!  You're not a failure!"

There many times I still question my motherhood credentials, and sometimes I even let the lies bubble up to tears.  But it doesn't take much for God to bring me back into His truth. It's when Viv cuddles under the covers on the couch to watch Homeward Bound for the 3rd time in a week.  It's when she reminds us to stop and say Grace before eating a hectic, thrown-together lunch on the go.  It's when she thanks God for her big sister during her goodnight prayers.

And in those moments, I know I'm doing something right.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25)

Where's Jenny?

"So what's the hold up?  I thought you'd have Jenny home by now!"

Yeah, so did we.

Viv says "This would be so much more fun with my big sister!"

It seems that the hold up is the result of many things that are much bigger than we anticipated.  When we began this journey, we knew there were some issues in Jenny's country that may present a few hurdles along the way, but we never imagined a delay this long or the possibility of an outright denial.

Since we're being asked almost daily what some of the issues are, or how you can pray specifically, here's a rundown:

National Pride 
The current administration in Jenny's country is very nationalistic, which is admittedly an admirable quality.  After all, aren't we Americans as proud as anyone of our country?  As such, the leaders in her country are very adamant that their orphans remain there, even if no domestic family can be found for the child. 

We knew this to be the case shortly after we found Jenny on Reece's Rainbow.  We hadn't even begun our Home Study yet when we were told that all international adoptions in her country were put on hold due to new legislation.  By God's providence, Jenny was determined to have international status in large part due to her "difficult life and health situation."

Regulation Nation
Lest we begin to cast all of the blame on the officials in Jenny's country, we should take a step back and see the bigger picture.  Over the past month, a spotlight has begun to shine on issues with international adoptions in general - not just those in Jenny's country.

Fox News Video

A mere 1 week after our adoption agency flew to Jenny's country to advocate for us, Fox News @ Nite aired the clip above.  Two days later, a friend from church handed me her copy of World Magazine which featured the following article:  "Regulatory Orphans."

Just Google "Decline in International Adoptions" and you will come upon dozens of hits, most dated within the past few weeks.   Our own state department is making it more and more difficult for US families to adopt children from other countries.  One by one countries are dropping out of international adoptions altogether.  Russia, Guatemala, Ethiopia, and now it looks like even Japan and Korea are making it more difficult for their children to be adopted abroad. 

So what can we do? Pray.  Pray for international adoptions.  Pray for the families that have invested so much time, emotions and money into this process.  Pray for the children, many of whom are institutionalized and/or with special needs.  Pray for God's intercession.

And raise awareness of this issue.  I don't think we've heard the end of this story just yet.  Our journey is far from over.

What does Moses have to do with our Adoption?

As most of you are aware, we've hit a devastating snag in our adoption journey.  As our placing agency representative traveled to Eastern Europe the week of April 8 to advocate on behalf of us and three other families who have made it this far (two of which have already been denied and are in the process of appealing), we dropped to our knees in prayer for her and the ministry officials she met with.

The past few months, our church has been doing a study of Moses and the Exodus.  What does this part of Israel's history have to do with our adoption journey?  Actually, a lot more than you'd think, but there was one specific passage that stuck out to us recently.

Exodus 30 and the "Altar of Incense."  Admittedly, Exodus is a difficult book to read - there's a lot of intricately detailed instructions that God gives to Moses:  construction plans for the tabernacle and everything in it, all the way down to the undergarments for the priests who would work there.  It makes sense that God would be so picky...after all, the tabernacle was literally His home on earth.  Yes, He actually came and dwelt among the Israelites at the mercy seat over the ark of the testimony. 

The Altar of Incense inside the Tabernacle of the Israelites

There were many different components to God's home on earth, but the one we're focusing on here is the altar of incense.   "You shall put this altar in front of the veil that is near the ark of the testimony, where I will meet with you.  Aaron shall burn fragrant incense on it" (Ex 30: 6-7a).

You see, in the Bible, incense is always a picture of prayer.  "Let my prayer be set before you as incense" (Psalm 141:2).  It's sweet-smelling and pleasing to God and it rises up to meet him.  For the Israelites in Moses day, the priests had to make intercession for the people, and even then, there was a thick curtain separating them from God's presence.  When the incense burned, it would waft through the curtain and reach God.

Today we have it even better!   There's no more altar, there are no more priests acting on our behalf, and there's no more curtain separating us from God.  We are free to approach him directly:  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Phil 4:6).

Not only are we able to approach God directly with our requests, but we also have the Holy Spirit who intercedes for us even when we don't know what to pray for!

https://www.desiringgod.org/labs/the-spirit-helps-us-in-our-weakness

Did you catch that?  "With groanings too deep for words."  Sometimes there literally are no words.

Such was the case on the morning of Friday, April 13.  At the exact moment these advocacy meetings were taking place halfway around the world, we knew there literally hundreds of people all over the world, maybe yourself included, who were praying the same prayer.  And when we ran out of words, the Holy Spirit took over for us!

I pictured our prayers all rising up - from Georgia, Michigan, California, Oregon, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Jenny's country - all rising up like incense, mingling together, joining in the air and becoming one sweet-smelling fragrance to the Lord our God.  What an awesome God we have - who accepts and hears our prayers and gives his Spirit to pray on our behalf!

Now let's PRAY JENNY HOME!!!