Merry Christmas

Christmas is in full swing at the Etter house.  The tree is up, the lights are on, the carols are playing, the cookies are baked, and the presents are wrapped.

There's just one thing noticeably missing.

Jenny.

It was about this time, one year ago, when we began to seriously consider adopting a special needs child.  Entering into the fully researched process, we knew it would take about a year before we would have a new child in our home.

I remember thinking back then:  "Next Christmas, we could be in a foreign country with our new child."  Our hearts were full of hope at the prospect.

"Next year" has come and our little girl is still thousands of miles away, but our hope is nearly full.  While we're still a few months from actually meeting Jenny and bringing her into our family, we have come to know her better and better over these past 12 months.  She is already so much a part of the Etters.  There will be an empty place at our Christmas table this year, yes, but that space is filled with such hope and love for a child we've never met but hold so dear in our hearts and prayers.

Let this season of joy fill your lives and the lives of those you love.  Merry Christmas from the Etters!

4,265 Miles

Yesterday, Vivien was eating lunch and pointed to the picture of "Jenny" on our fridge and said quite matter-of-factly "I want to go see Jenny."  

A lump formed in my throat as I whispered my reply, "So do I, baby girl.  So do I."

I want to go see Jenny.

A few days prior, in the calm, quiet hour of 5am, I was reading Psalm 8.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? (verses 3 & 4, NIV)

Stargazers

In our house, we have a fascination with the vastness of the universe and the astronomical time and space mysteries that mankind is just too small to figure out.  Galaxies go on literally for ever and the starlight we see in the sky this very evening was emitted from a celestial being that burned out and died a lifetime ago!

So where does God fit in all this?  Over the past half-century, mankind has traveled quite literally to the ends of our galaxy and beyond.  Voyager 1 was launched over 40 years ago and is currently over 13 billion miles away from the earth.  And it's still going!    And it's still sending data back to us!

What feels like a world away is actually just in the palm of His hands.

Jenny is currently ~4,265 miles away from her forever family.  Compared to 13 billion, this doesn't seem like much.  But to us it feels like a chasm. 

We pray for Jenny everyday.  And I'll admit:  some days I feel like David in Psalm 8.  Who are we, and who is Jenny, that God is mindful of us?  There's a lot of crappy things going on in the world.  Big, crappy things.  Things that should take God's attention away from the Etter family, their immigration paperwork, and their medical insurance logistics.   I wouldn't blame God for not having us or Jenny at the top of his priority list.

But our God is bigger.  Bigger than all the big, crappy things that are happening in the world.  Bigger than the natural disasters and the depravity of mankind.  And so we still pray.  We pray because Jesus said in John 16:24b, "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  We pray because he hasn't forgotten us.  And most importantly, he hasn't forgotten Jenny. 

And someday soon, when we tuck Vivien into bed and she says "We go in the airplane to get Jenny!" (as she does almost every night) we'll be able to answer her with "Yes!" 

And we will.

Preppers

As we sit here waiting for US Immigration to approve an immigrant VISA for Jenny, we feel the deafening and almost overwhelming calm before the storm.

I remember the baby shower that my mother and sister-in-law Rebekah threw for us before Vivien was born.  A party to celebrate this new and exciting addition to our family.  It was a joyous occasion.

Doesn't she look so well-rested and kid-carefree?

No one dared to bring up the scary realities of having a newborn:  crying for hours, not gaining enough weight between pediatrician visits, post-partum depression, saying goodbye to your life as you knew it.  Sure, everyone made jokes about the sleepless nights we would experience, but nothing, I mean nothing, prepares you for that kind of sleep deprivation.   I wish someone would have had the courage to sit me down and tell me the harsh truth of parenting a newborn. 

Because that's exactly what's happening to us as we now prepare to parent an adopted child with serious medical needs. 

Each Tuesday evening for the past two months, we have been attending a parenting class called "Empowered to Connect."  This class is preparing us to build a meaningful relationship with Jenny who likely has never had a meaningful relationship in her short little life.  Add to that the terrifying reality of caring for a fragile life dependent on a machine to breathe for her and we have certainly embraced the old adage "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best."

Watching as Daddy paints her new room!

We aren't the only ones prepping these days.  This weekend, Vivien moved into her "big girl bedroom" with her "big girl bed."  The Etter's guest room took on a purple hue and a toddler bed as Viv moved from the nursery down the hall into her new bedroom.  She handled the transition like a trooper and was excited that she could climb in and out of bed on her own! 

Viv's big girl bedroom!

Her old room has turned into a blank slate waiting for Jenny's arrival and Viv is already proudly boasting "that's my big sister's room!"   

We're preparing for the best.  Because we have a hope that isn't in our own abilities, or in the advice of the experts who compiled the ETC course materials, or even in the doctors and nurses who will be caring for Jenny and teaching us to adjust our lifestyles to meet the physical and emotional needs of our newest family member.  No, our hope is in Him - the Author and Finisher of our Faith. He is the one who holds us in the palm of His hand and He has had a firm grasp on us since January 3rd when we first began this adoption journey. 

A New November

It's funny how life works.  Exactly one year ago, we had no idea that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.  And now here we are, neck-deep into our own international adoption and advocating for orphan justice around the world.  Our journey started with a magazine article.  This guest blog was written by Crystal Kupper, author of that article, adoptive mother, and mentor.   Thanks, Crystal!

My career is literally wordy. As a freelance writer, I transfer what’s running through my or someone else’s mind and put it on the paper and screen. In that sense, words are transactional for me, a mere business move, counted blots of ink that add up to a paycheck.

But a simple transaction is rarely my goal. I want to make my readers laugh, think, pause, be moved, cry or ponder (and if I can make them do it all in one article, even better). I want my words to be the spark that lights a fire. I want anything and everything I write to push someone to action to make this world a more just place.

Every so often, not only does this happen, but I get to hear about it. Such is the case with the Etter family.

Tara has already told many of you how our families met — first indirectly through reading my work in a magazine, then in real life this year. This is crazy-cool in and of itself: that something I wrote generated a wonderful, in-person friendship.

 But this story is about so much more than connection over Easter egg hunts, family dinners, baseball games and dessert. It’s about the power of the press to change a little girl’s life — and that of a family thousands of miles away.

Tara and Justin may have eventually embarked on the adventure of international special needs adoption without me, sure. But when they read my article about adopting my own daughter last November, a God-inspired light came on, and they obeyed now. Hearing the very real fears and trials my husband and I went through demystified the process (if we could do it, anyone can!), and suddenly it didn’t matter how hard they knew the process would be; they just had to get to Jenny.

On my end, knowing that a family was adopting (especially through Reece’s Rainbow, the organization that photolisted both of our daughters) blessed my socks off. But the story doesn’t end there. Because exactly one year after reading mine, Citizen magazine readers are reading Tara’s adoption story this month.

Guyana reads her ripple effect article!

That’s right; Tara is a nationally published author! (She’s not the greatest at tooting her own horn, but I am more than happy to do. She knocked it out of the park!).

More importantly, this chain of families finding their children has another chance to continue. If the Etters read the Kupper’s story and were then moved to create their own, can it not happen again — perhaps to even more families and waiting orphans? I certainly pray so!

May this article move you and your own little family to action. May it inspire others across the States to examine how they can personally get involved in orphan justice. May it see another article come out next November (National Adoption Awareness Month, not coincidentally) on how the Etters’ story began another chapter in a new family.

Most importantly, may every single one of my and Tara’s words translate into love from the Father straight into the heart of a waiting child. 

The High; The Low; But God

An emotional roller coaster.  That's what this journey is.  And if it's done nothing else, it has strengthened our faith in God.  For his mercy, his grace, his wisdom, and his provision.

Yesterday, in a matter of hours, we went from the highest high to the scariest low.

The High

The adoption agency emailed us to let us know we got Jenny's referral and it's in the process of being translated!!  This is HUGE news.  It means that the authorities in her country have determined us to be a suitable family for this precious child and they are now "referring" her to us for adoption (like it was their idea!)  Normally, this is when a family will be introduced to their potential child and they'll review the child's file and records and make a decision to either adopt that child or ask for the referral of another child.

Obviously we had already prayed about and made this decision way back in January.  Jenny is ours.

The Etters are all in!

Once we get the official referral after it's translated, we will be able to send it to US Citizenship & Immigration Services (USCIS) for their approval of Jenny.  (As you'll recall, they have already approved us as a family...now they need to approve the child).  Once they approve her for immigration to the US, they will kick her file over to the US Dept of State and we'll begin to work on obtaining her Immigrant VISA.

Meanwhile, in Jenny's country they will be working on assigning her case to a court and a judge who will then set a date for the proceedings and determine the amount of bonding time they will require for us prior to the court date.  They will tell us when and for long long we will travel.

We see a light at the end of this adoption paperwork tunnel.  God is inching the door open and we can almost squeeze through!  This is actually happening!

The Low

The realities of adopting a child with special needs is not lost on us.  We do not enter into this lightly, and we have calculated the cost of adopting a child from a hard place with extra special needs.  The emotional baggage that Jenny will bring in addition to her physical baggage is daunting.  

We are currently in the middle of a 9 week adoptive parenting course called Empowered to Connect.  One of our homework assignments was to "count the cost" of our adoption.  Our answers were "money and time".  She's going to need medical care, speech therapy, and probably psychological care as well.  These things may or may not be covered by our medical insurance.  And they will certainly cost us time:  time away from our jobs as we run her to doctors appointment and meet with her teachers, time away from Vivien as we deal with Jenny's needs.  The cost is overwhelming.

We haven't studied this hard since college!

A few hours after we got confirmation of the referral, we had a consultation with a doctor from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia's International Adoption Program.  She was very familiar with the typical needs of internationally adopted children and she shed some light on the potential cognitive and development issues that Jenny might experience as an institutionalized child.     

She also gave us some things to consider regarding Jenny's physical limitations due to her "chronic respiratory failure at night."  While she couldn't make definitive recommendations due to the lack of official medical files for this child on the other side of the world, she did want us to consider the fact that Jenny might need an in-home nurse to monitor her each night and that many commercial airlines may not allow a mechanically ventilated passenger so we need to consider how we're going to get her home.  The very expensive-sounding words "medical transport" were used.

But God

We left the consultation enlightened.  It's impossible to know everything that Jenny will need or experience until she's home and in our care.  But for now we have some homework to do and some phone calls to our insurance company to make.  We have a direction.  And that direction is forward.  It's a direction ordained by God and he has laid the path ahead of us.  We travel forward knowing where our help comes from.

I life up my eyes to the mountains - 

ehere does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - 

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you - 

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm - 

he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

Our Adoption Story Goes National

As a reader of this blog, you're probably aware of our adoption story's origin. It all began last November with an adoption article in Focus on the Family's Citizen magazine. 

And now it comes full circle.

This November, Citizen will run the follow up article, "Our Adoption Story" by Tara Etter. 

We pray that it would touch even just one life to make a difference in the life of an orphan.

#orphanjustice

#bringjennyhome

Trash & Treasures

Honestly?  We hate garage sales.  With the fiery passion of a thousand hot burning suns.  We get offended when people don't want to own our stuff (what do you mean you don't want a souvenir glass from our trip to the Rain Forest Cafe in Atlantic City?), and neither of us is very good at haggling.

Justin:  What do you mean you won't pay $10 for this slightly chipped and very stained serving dish?  

Tara:  Here let me pay YOU to take this all of this clutter away from me! 

We find ourselves falling into these two extremes with very little consideration for a middle ground.

So when our friend suggested that we hold a garage sale fundraiser as a way to raise money for our massive and ever-growing adoption fees, we balked at the idea.  But after we gave it some thought, we realized that holding a garage sale fundraiser would allow Jenny's life to touch entirely new demographics of people.

And ultimately, that's what this journey is all about.

First there were our friends who wanted to be a blessing to us, but perhaps couldn't necessarily make a monetary donation toward our Family Sponsorship Page.  By hosting a sale where they could donate their gently loved items, it allowed them to contribute in a very meaningful way to our fundraising efforts.

An overflowing garage = overflowing hearts.

We can't express our thanks enough to those who donated to the sale.  Our garage was overflowing with the outpouring of donations.  Each and every item that was dropped off held meaning to us.  It had been loved once and would hopefully be loved again.  These things, used and loved and ultimately discarded, would mean life and hope for someone new.  Perhaps for the person who bought it at our garage sale, but mostly for Jenny, who sits, herself discarded, in an eastern European group home for sick children.  

Then there were the complete strangers who came to the sale.  Those from our community whom we had never met before, many of them asking for details on the adoption, on Jenny, and giving their own words of encouragement.  One shopper told stories of how she had once been a foster parent, and another recalled early memories of having lived in an orphanage himself until he was 3.

My favorite was an older lady who was rummaging through the boys' clothes and said she was going to be sending them to a young man in [Jenny's country].  My jaw dropped and I pointed to the picture of Jenny and explained the fundraiser.  We exchanged a few words in Jenny's native language, excited to get a chance to practice with an expert!

Another life touched by Jenny.

They say one man's trash is another man's treasure.   This was true for the items donated to our garage sale, but how much more true is it of our hearts when it comes to what God treasures?  Isn't Jenny treasured by God?  While we cannot fathom the difficult decision her parents made when they signed away their parental rights, we do know that she is loved and she is precious to God and to us.

1 Peter 2:4 says that Jesus was "rejected by men, but chosen by God and precious to him."  He is our true treasure, chosen and precious, and all too often, we treat him as less than so.   The perfect Savior of the world, despised and rejected by us as if he were broken, worthless and ready for the rubbish bin.

What is your treasure?  "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  (Luke 12:34)  Right now, as parents, of course our hearts are with Vivien and Jenny.  We treasure them, but (and this might come as a shock to you just as it did to us) even our children shouldn't hold the highest place in our hearts.  No, that place should belong to God and Jesus himself.  I'm not saying it always does for us.  On the contrary, it's something we need to constantly remind ourselves, every hour of every day.  But if there's one thing we're learning on this parenting and adoption journey, it's that HE should become greater, and everything else should become less.  For HE is our TREASURE.

Defying the Etter Family Motto

The Etter family motto is "Nothing's Ever Easy."  In fact, we use our motto so frequently, I just had to have this family crest custom made for Justin's last birthday:

The Etter family defined.

The screws you have are never the right size, the pan you need is always at the bottom of the stack in the cupboard, and the printer is always out of ink when you need to print something right away.

And the government agency fails to tell you which documents you need to bring to your appointment resulting in multiple trips and a wasted day.

And then sometimes things seem way too easy and you wonder if you overlooked some major component of the process that would have made it ten times more tedious than it actually was.  This was the case when we took our notarized documents to the state of New Jersey to be authenticated. We braced ourselves for the worst.  But you know what?  It was way too easy.  So what did we do wrong?

Our USCIS approval came in the mail on Thursday, August 31.  Thanks to modern technology and an efficient postal service (did I really just write that?) that morning, I woke up and read an email from USPS alerting me to the fact that it would be delivered later that day!  (Side note:  if you haven't signed up for the "Informed Delivery" option from the USPS, I highly recommend it!)

Our next step was to get the approval notarized and then take it, along with 11 other notarized documents, to the city of Trenton to be apostilled, or authenticated (meaning they verify that the notary is legit).  Because we admittedly lack patience, and because Jenny has been waiting for a family since she was born 4.5 years ago, we paid an extra $15 per document for expedited processing.  We drove into Trenton on Friday, Sept 8 to drop everything off, and drove back on Monday, Sept 11 to pick everything up.  

And it worked like clockwork.  Maybe we were expecting the worst from the state of New Jersey? After all, government employees have a stereotype for a reason. (I can say that because I happen to be a government employee.) We got onto the elevator to exit the building and looked at each other. "That was too easy!" we both said in unison.  

We now had a 2-inch thick packet of our most important documents:  birth certificates, marriage certificate, health records, employment verifications, adoption applications, powers of attorney and a 20-page deeply personal Home Study.  This was our "dossier".  This was the packet of credentials that someone from the Ministry in Jenny's country was going to use to determine our suitability to adopt.   This was everything.

And now it's on its way to Jenny's country.

Vivien loves seeing where her big sister lives!

We have no idea how long it will take the authorities in Jenny's country to review and approve our dossier, but we aren't resting on our laurels while we wait.  We have registered to take a 9-week course for adoptive parents called "Empowered to Connect" and we are busy gearing up for our next fundraising effort:  a multi-family yardsale coming up on Sept 22 & 23.  

Our friends and family continue to support us beyond our wildest dreams.  And God continues to show Himself to us in amazing ways.  Each day we are one step closer to officially adding Jenny to our family.  And each day we are growing in faith and love.  We can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

The Year of Adoption and 'Roe

2017 has been the year of two things in the Etter household:  Adoption and LuLaRoe.   You probably already know of my obsession with adoption since you're reading this blog.

Vivien is modeling a size 2 Mae, and I am in an Amelia dress (it has POCKETS!)

But did you know that LLR is systematically taking over every piece of clothing in my closet?  Quite literally.   Since discovering LLR last fall, I have not bought a single piece of clothing that wasn't LLR (except for a denim jacket from Target that my LLR fashion consultant, Kerri, said I simply MUST have)  The clothes are comfy and versatile (wear to work AND play?  Yes please!) and they flatter pretty much everything from a pogo-stick to a cantaloupe, which is great because I fall somewhere in-between.

Even Vivien loves LLR.  Especially since they collaborated with Mickey Mouse.  I think Justin is waiting for them to release the Star Wars leggings and then we'll all be one big happy LLR-wearing, adoption-loving family!

This past week, my two loves combined forces in a mighty way:  My sister-in-law, Rebekah, and my mother threw me a surprise pop-up LuLa Fundraiser Party AND my very dear friend and personal LLR fashionista, Kerri, is in the middle of running a week-long fundraiser sale.  Everything made through these fundraisers, with LLR matching, will be donated toward the cost of our adoption fees and expenses.

'Roe-ing with Mom and Rebekah!

LLR goodies sold during Kerri's fundraising Album Sale!

We are overwhelmed by the success of both of these fundraisers...I know we kept Becca and Kerri busy this week as you bought all the pretty things.  So here is my shout out to both Becca and Kerri - two of the greatest fashionistas I've ever met...Please support their small businesses and fall in love with LLR just like I did!

LuLaRoe by KeRRi DailoR

LuLaRoe Abigail Heise VIP

And now for an adoption update:

On August 4th, we had our biometrics appointment with the  office of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service.  That's a fancy way of saying we went to be photographed and fingerprinted. (for the 3rd time for those who are counting).  Our appointment, which they scheduled, was at 8 AM in Elizabeth.  The appointment letter said to bring a photo ID.  We left Viv with our dear friend Michelle and were on our way.  

We were pleasantly surprised with how quickly and efficiently the registration process was considering the volume of other individuals and families with 8 AM appointments.  Everything was going great.  Until they realized I had a maiden name.  When they asked to see my marriage certificate, I stared at the office manager, dumbfounded.  

"This appointment letter says nothing about bringing a marriage certificate."  

Redness began to burn in my eyes and I began my yoga breathing as a measure of keeping my cool as I realized I was not going to be fingerprinted without my paper-trail of legal names.

No USCIS employees were harmed in the events that occurred on Aug 4.

After a trip back home to get my marriage certificate, a misinformed superfluous trip to the Mt. Laurel USCIS office in the opposite direction, and another trip back to Elizabeth, we finally completed this step in the process.  

Meanwhile, the FBI agent who was working on adjudicating our 2nd sets of fingerprints must have finally returned from his 3 month sabbatical backpacking through Europe because our FBI background checks finally arrived!

"You asked for miracles, Theo.  I give you the F. B. I."

So for those keeping track, we're now waiting for approval from USCIS, and for the US Dept of State to apostille (or verify the authenticity of) our FBI background checks.

Waiting is so hard, guys.  Everyday we think of Jenny, sitting there in her Eastern Europe orphanage, wondering if there's a family out there, a mommy and a daddy who would love her.  She has no idea how we long to curl up on the couch with her in our arms and love on her.  We know that day is coming, and God is in control.  But we pray it comes sooner that we could ever hope!

LuLaRoe For Jenny

The very first thing we bought for Jenny was a pair of LuLaRoe leggings that match a Mommy & Me pair that Vivien and I already owned.  I cried when I paid for them and I told the LLR consultant who they were for.

And this is why our next fundraiser is particularly dear to my heart.

Meet KeRRi DailoR - Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend, MOPs leader and LuLaRoe fashion consultant.

Kerri & Newborn Noel

In February 2014, my husband Matthew and I had exactly three days' warning that our one-week old baby boy was coming home!

After a quick Target run with my best friend (who had given birth to her son literally 30 days earlier!) to get diapers, wipes, and a NoseFrida nasal aspirator (just in case) we were ready!

On Friday, the 28th of February, we loaded up an empty car seat, formula that we had no idea what to do with, tiny diapers and a 0-3 month outfit and set off!

After more than an hour of signing a tower of paperwork at the adoption agency, the door opened!  In walked Noel's birth mom holding the tiniest 6lb bundle of baby in a blue and white crocheted blanket with two itty-bitty feet popping out the bottom!  

Noel's birth dad was close behind and the two of them handed us our son to hold for the first time. And just like that we were parents!

The next 3.5 years would fly by quicker than we knew, and we were blessed to have an open relationship with Noel's birth parents.  They are able to see him grow and thrive and play with trains and worship Lightening McQueen!  They haven't missed a birthday party or museum visit yet!  We are one big family. 

We are so very thankful for the gift of adoption and what it has done for all of us.  While having a very unique start and story, we actually feel very normal.  Our normal.

I was more than ecstatic when Tara told me about Jenny and asked if I would be willing to participate in a fundraiser event.  I assumed she asked because she knew our family has been so blessed by adoption too!  Nope!  She had no idea!  She just loves LuLaRoe and thought it would be fun (and it will be!!)  How awesome to see God working in this incredible story of bringing Jenny home.  Time and time again He has stepped in and just proven to their family how this is all 100% meant to be!  I'm excited to play a very small part in bringing another child home to their family! 

Shop LULAROE KeRRi DailoR for JENNY!

So what's LuLaRoe?  Besides being my latest obsession, it's awesome, adorable, quality clothing - they are famous for their buttery soft leggings, conservative styles, and unique prints.  A portion of the proceeds from Kerri's sales during the week of Aug 22 thru Aug 28 will be donated to our Family Sponsorship Page (FSP) with Reece's Rainbow.   THANK YOU, KERRI!

Leggings for the Etter Girls!

The Disney Effect

I wonder if Jenny likes Mickey Mouse?  On a scale of 1 to 10, the Etter family is a solid 8 as far as our Disney fandom goes.  So I hope she does.   Everyone likes Mickey Mouse, right?

WDW, Jan 2017

Vivien's passion for "Dickey Mouse" and the "Hot Dog Dance" skews our fandom scale slightly, but Justin and I have been fans ever since our delayed Honeymoon in 2012.  It was his first trip (my 4th) and it happened during what those in the Northeast will recall as Superstorm Sandy. Sandy actually delayed our return home by one day so we spent our extra time in Disney sitting through their DVC membership schpiel so we could get the $50 gift cards to spend shopping at Disney Springs (still called Downtown Disney at that time).  Needless to say, we walked out of the pitch as the proud owners of a piece of Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge!  There's a sucker born every minute, right?

Since 2012, we've used our DVC points in many different places in the world..

Ireland, 2013

Hawaii, 2014

Vero Beach, FL, 2016

This past January, we used the points to take Vivien to Disney World for a week.   She was almost 2 and we brought Grams along for reinforcement.  While she enjoyed all of the rides and attractions, she was a bit intimidated that her favorite cartoon characters had jumped off of her TV screen and became 10 times bigger in real life.

Our trip came just after we began the process to adopt Jenny.  In a way, we felt a bit guilty taking a trip to the most magical place in the world without her.  See, even then she felt as much a part of this family as if she'd been born to us.  We thought of her often on that trip:  "I wonder if she'd like this ride", or "Next time, we'll be doing this with Jenny!"  

That's how many of our thoughts have been lately.  "Next time, we'll be doing this with Jenny!"  Just last week we went to the Farm Fair (a new Etter family tradition, by the way.  Apparently Vivien loves cows and pig races!)  This annual event in our county is a time-marker.  With lots of prayer, next year, Jenny will be coming with us.

  

The same was true a few evenings later as we went to the Thunder game.  We even picked up an extra foam finger for Jenny, with the hope that she'll be proudly waving it with us this time next year.

With every day, every outing, and every event that passes, we're reminding ourselves that our family is incomplete right now as we wait for our special addition.  Next time, Jenny will be here to share this moment.  We're working hard to get there.  And it'll be so worth it once we do! 

A Father's Perspective

By Justin

It's clear God has a heart for widows and orphans, as was illustrated in our previous post on how the Bible calls upon us to take care of them.

Justin, portraying Jesus in Graceway Bible Church's "Christmas Live"!

During this adoption process, I keep reflecting on one specific event in the Bible.  In the book of John, there is a moment while Jesus is being crucified.  Almost immediately preceding his death, he performs yet another miracle.  At least, in light of our current circumstances, it seems like a miracle to me.

This moment occurs after Jesus, the perfect and sinless Messiah of the world, had already carried and incurred the entirety of sin, pain and anguish of His creation.  After He had already been humiliated, with soldiers throwing the equivalent of dice to see who would get His tunic, right there in front of Him.  After being mocked by the crowd while He suffered for each of them.

The moment is recorded in John 19:25-27:

Therefore, the soldiers did these things.  But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas and Mary Magdalene.  When Jesus saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, "Dear Woman, behold your son!"  Then He said to the disciple, "Behold your mother!"  From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.

The miracle is that Jesus created a family!   Although the passage is primarily cited as an example of God's caring for widows (housing a widow was customary with Jewish law at the time), I keep coming back to the fact that Jesus didn't just say "Hey, you should take care of this woman!"  He used words reserved for an extremely personal relationship:  "mother" and "son."

In this moment, Jesus was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  Bleeding, crushed, humiliated and about two or three breaths away from death.  And what did He do?  In the few minutes remaining before yielding His spirit, He created a family?!  He provided a mother to a son and a son to a mother.  After this, Jesus stated "It is finished," and died.*

Out of the chaos surrounding the cross of pain, suffering, fear, hate, and rejection, Jesus used love to create a family.  Two people's lives were unified in that moment.  It is a testimony to the importance of family to God.

I keep reflecting on this moment in the Bible.  It echos back to when our path toward adopting Jenny became a reality all those months ago.  As we were scrolling through the "other angels" pictures on Reece's Rainbow, Jenny's page struck us in a special way.

Although her story certainly spoke to our hearts, it was her picture that stood out.  It felt familiar, like we were looking at a picture of our child.  It felt as though Jesus said to us "Behold your daughter!"

Almost 2,000 years later and Jesus is still making families through adoption.  It's a blessing that He's using us for His purpose!

*The resurrection of Jesus Christ from the grave occurred three days later, as He overcame sin and death.

Scentsy for Jenny!

Have you heard of "Scentsy"?  Let your nose lead the way!  The very generous Scentsy sales consultant, Dakota Lynch, has offered to donate all of the proceeds of this sale (open now through July 24th!) to our adoption of little "Jenny".

Please consider buying something from this fun sale...great products that smell fabulous!  

https://wicklessdandelions.scentsy.us/party/8006606/etter-adoption-fundraiser

Make sure to have your order shipped to you and not to the consultant or host.  If you have any questions, feel free to message us or Dakota!

Party ends on 7/24 - Happy shopping!!!  And thanks in advance!

This is not a Political Post

This isn't a political post, but let's start by saying that if you are going to pursue an international adoption, New Jersey is quite possibly the worst state you could have to deal with.*

Happy Independence Day!  (Next year with Jenny!)

Over the course of this adoption journey, we will have to deal with the governments in 2 different countries and 3 different states.  Compared to other families, this is a piece of cake.  As our dear friend Crystal likes to remind us, at least we aren't an American family, living in England, and adopting from Armenia.  Yes, I guess that's true, but Crystal never had to deal with the state government of New Jersey, so let's compare war stories once this is all finished!

For those unfamiliar with the intricate workings of state and national governments when it comes to adoption-related documents, let us give you a break down:

Pennsylvania:  We need to have the PA Dept of State authenticate, or apostille, Justin's birth certificate, the notarized copy of our home study, and our social worker's license.   They charge $15 per document and PA's processing time for apostilles is listed on their website as "5 days" (if you mail it in) or "while you wait" if you venture into Harrisburg in person.  (Note there is no additional fee for invoking the "while you wait" option).

North Carolina:  Since we were married in NC, their Dept of State needed to authenticate our marriage certificate.  We mailed them our marriage certificate and the meager $10 fee (regular mail, mind you) on June 1. On June 12, we had the apostille back in our hands.

United States:  Our FBI clearance letters, assuming we ever get them back, will need to be sent to the US Dept of State since they are nationally issued letters.  Fees:  a steal at $8.00 per document. Processing Time:  11 days (plus transit time).

The US Department of State issued Viv's passport and now she's ready to go get her big sister!

New Jersey:  We have precisely 13 documents that will need to be sent to the NJ Department of State to be authenticated.  At $5.00 per document, this is the best deal so far!  But that's where the deal ends.  Processing time is estimated to be 20 days (assuming the government doesn't shut down in the middle of the process) + transit time.  Whoa!  20 days!  And we're pretty sure they really mean "business days", but since NJ was the only site that didn't list a phone number or email address, there's really no way for us to call and find out.  Luckily they do have 3 expedited options available:  For an extra $20 per document, we can have them done in 8.5 business hours (we think that extra half hour is due to their lunch break? Or maybe they allow time for the copier to jam?)  But wait!  There are even faster options!  For a mere $500 extra per document, they can be done in 2 hours and for an extra $1,000 per document, they'll be done in 1 hour!  What a bargain!

Oh, it can't be that bad, can it?  We're currently testing their claims.  We sent in Tara's birth certificate on June 19.  They still haven't cashed the check, but then again, we're only on day 14 out of 20.  The clock, however, has stopped ticking on this until our political leaders learn to play nicely.  Please note: Being realists, we don't actually expect to see the birth certificate ever again and we're actually ordering another one as a replacement.

Oh, and the other little tidbit that dispels the warm, fuzzy feeling of leaving the fate of our adoption, and Jenny's life, in the hands of New Jersey's capable and not-at-all disgruntled employees**:  if you ask one of our newest friends who adopted from Russia 5 years ago, their first-hand testimony indicates that the state of New Jersey almost single-handedly cost them their entire adoption.  We don't have the details on how or why, but we can't say we're terribly shocked.

Viv has her bag packed and can't wait to show Jenny her present from the McCulloughs!

This is where our faith in God comes in.  He's the one who started the engines on this journey and we know that He will be faithful to complete this good work.  We know there are many of you who are praying over our documents and we can't thank you enough. We've seen how His timing is perfect and our faith is made stronger in the midst of this uncertainty.  We can't imagine doing this without his peace and guidance.

How did we get this peace?  How can YOU get this same peace?  Hear the words of the apostle Paul, as inspired by the Holy Spirit 2,000 years ago and explained by John Piper in the video below.

http://www.desiringgod.org/labs/the-heart-of-fearless-contentment

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philipians 4:4-7, NIV)

*Our opinion based on immediate, personal circumstances.  Note that we have not researched wait times or fees associated with the 47 other states in the union not addressed in this blog post.  There could quite possibly be a worse state than NJ.  Maybe.  But since NJ did completely shut down right in the middle of our journey, we're going to stick with our assumption that it is, indeed, the absolute worst by default.  

**This statement is a gross generalization and is in no way intended to be a reflection of all New Jersey government employees.  We happen to know many wonderful state employees to whom we would gladly entrust our most precious documents.  Sadly for us, however, none of them work for the Division of Revenue and Enterprise Services.

UPDATE: Home Study Complete & USCIS Application in the mail!

First of all, thank you to everyone who has been following this journey with us.  We appreciate your prayers and your encouragement.  Many of you have asked for an update on where we are in the journey, and honestly, there really hasn't been any progress on the path.  UNTIL NOW!

The Etter Home Study:  ✓✓✓Complete!✓✓✓

Our Home Study has been finalized and is in our hands!  Not only that, but less than 12 hours after receiving the notarized home study, we have slipped it, along with our I-800-A "Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country" to US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), into the (hopefully) capable hands of the United States Postal Service.

Now, we wait for USCIS to tell us when and where we need to go to be fingerprinted for the third time, and with any luck,  we'll have their approval within a month!

In the meantime,  we continue to work on getting all of the documents, notaries, and seals for our dossier.  We each had to get some more bloodwork done, and our Birth Certificates are floating around somewhere in limbo between various state capitals and our house.  Oh, and our second sets of fingerprints have been laying on someone's desk at the FBI for about a month now.   (We're getting worried about this poor FBI agent because clearly he or she is on some sort of extended leave of absence sitting on a serene beach in Hawaii watching the sunset.  Or worse - perhaps he went AWOL and no one knows what happened to him or his case files and so no one has any idea we even submitted our fingerprints!  Or maybe he just spilled coffee all over the prints and is too embarrassed to tell us.  Whatever the case, we forgive you, Mr. FBI Agent!  Just hurry up!) 

At any rate, please continue to pray over these documents and the people who need to process them for us.   We know it's all in God's perfect timing,  and while our journey is far from over,  we rejoice in knowing he just lifted us and Jenny to a giant leap forward!

✓