Quarantine Cocoon

The #Covidquarantine has been like a major timeout sanctioned by God - something that the Etter family learned to appreciate during the last 13 weeks of confinement within our household.  We stopped.  No restaurants, no shopping trips, no Six Flags, no baseball games, no running and running and running.  We just stopped. 

The "experts" highly recommend cocooning in the days and weeks following an international adoption, an idea at which the very busy and always-moving Etter family scoffed.  We're always on the go, so Niky better get used to it! 

And then God said stop.  Just be. 

So we did.

Like many, our new normal has been a struggle.  We are both blessed to be working full-time from home, but it does come with a new set of challenges as we've been parenting and schooling our two preschoolers while working our jobs.  Vivien's academic preschool had plenty of seat-work for her to do and held Zoom classes at least twice a week.  Niky had a tele-therapy session via Zoom every single weekday, plus two class sessions, and was offered a one-on-one teacher session which we politely declined to participate in because, well let's just say it: no human being, let alone a special needs child, should be subjected to 8 zoom meetings in a single week.

Ready to Zoom!

All of this extra together time has been a struggle, but it's also been a great bonding opportunity for us as a family and has led to the following enlightenment:  Niky today is the boy we thought we were picking up in August.  What do we mean by this?  Our expectations of Niky's cognitive capabilities and interests were significantly above and beyond what he was capable of during the days and weeks after we picked him up and brought him home.  This realization came to us after dinner last night.  Last night Niky was sitting on the floor reading a Seek & Find book, pointing to pictures and asking "What the?"

Eight months ago, Niky didn't have enough language, either in English or Bulgarian, to express this question, nor did he have any interest in sitting still, let alone looking at a picture book for any length of time.  This is a testament to just how far he has come in 10 months.  Now his current favorite activity is playing "peek-a-boo."  We are keenly aware of how far he has come, and yet how far he still has to go.

We used to have bad days...now we just have bad moments and they (mostly) never feel insurmountable like they once did.  And we have bonded significantly and learned to trust each other, which makes the tantrums and trauma slightly more bearable and certainly more understandable.  

We hope you, too, have had a chance to breathe.  Amidst all of the uncertainty, the fear, the isolation, one thing has always remained:  God is in control.  He knows what we need, even when we think we're doing just fine.

A Great Big, Beautiful Tomorrow

The Etter family did the unfathomable:  We took a family vacation to Disney World!  Now, for a family that has been there 5 times in the last 8 years, this feat in and of itself isn't remarkable.  What is shocking, however, is that we did it with our newest family member - and we all lived to tell about it!

You see, as Disney Vacation Club members, we have a very vested interest in Niky's tolerance for the most magical place on earth and all things Disney in general.  This trip, booked before he even joined our family, was slated to determine the future of Etter family vacations.

We prepped.

As annual pass holders for Six Flags, we had plenty of opportunities in the fall to take Niky to a fast-paced, crowded amusement park.  He did remarkably well and even enjoyed every ride he went on.

We also spent lots of time at home watching YouTube videos of Disney attractions and POV tours of our resort hotel.  Yes, you can watch full length, professional quality videos of the Tiki Room from the comfort of your living room til your heart's content!

On the Enchanted Teacups!

We planned.

Trust me when I say this trip was planned with precision from the very beginning.  From the location of our resort which was walking distance to the Magic Kingdom, to the flight times which were built around mealtimes to keep the kids occupied on the plane, we set the bar extremely low for ourselves.  We only focused on Magic Kingdom, picking a different section of the park to visit each day.  We were able to walk back to our resort each day for lunchtime and naps.   One whole day was set aside as a pool day, to rest, relax and recuperate from any sensory overload.

We also took advantage of Disney's Disability Access Services.  They have a tremendous resource for any family with a member who has special needs.  In our case, Niky's Sensory Processing and Non-verbal conditions qualified us for this service which basically held our place in line without actually having to wait in the queue.  Hooray for Disney for having something like this!!

Aladdin's Magic Carpet Ride

We played.

Turns out, Niky loves roller coasters and teacups.  He loves bright lights and music.  He loves Dole Whips and the monorail, and he's particularly fond of character dining buffets.  He was fascinated by Goofy's whiskers and gave Mickey a great big hug.  I think it's safe to say Disney runs in his blood, which is a good thing for the Etters.

Of course the vacation had it's high moments (seeing him hug Mickey Mouse for the first time) and low moments (two four-year-olds, 1 stroller...you do the math!)  There were a fair amount of meltdowns.  Oh, and Niky had some too!  (See what I did there?)  Disney is major sensory overload for everyone.

But it's also the most magical place on earth.  And we're already planning our next trip!

Christmas at Home

Merry Christmas from the Etters, party of 4!  In 2019, our family grew in love and in size.  Nikolay joined our family in August when we brought him home from Bulgaria.  He is 4 years old and has quite a bit of catching up to do since he missed out on having the love of a family to build him up, but we are amazed at how much he has learned already in the short time he's been home with us.  He keeps us on our toes and every day presents its challenges, but we find joy in knowing God has a plan for little Niky Etter!

Vivien loves her little brother, at least as much as any little girl has ever loved a little brother.  This past fall, she asked Jesus into her heart!  She has such a compassionate and tender heart and is always thinking of others.  Viv is in Pre-K 4 and loves going to gymnastics class and AWANA.  She sings and plays the handbells in our church's children's choir.  Disney movies and twirly dresses are her favorite things.

We wish your family a Christ-centered holiday season filled with love and joy!  Merry Christmas, from Justin, Tara, Vivien, Nikolay & Casey Etter.

Counting It All Joy

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.  Nikolay joined our family precisely three months and 14 days ago.  And it's taken us almost that long to be able to scratch two minutes together to hop on the blog and give an update.

But first, a note.  This blog is about our journey, not Niky's.  We in no way discount or diminish Niky's journey both before and after joining our family.  In fact, we cherish his journey and believe it's just that:  HIS journey.  And one day it will be HIS story to share if he wishes.  This blog was always, and will continue to be, about our journey.  And even though the adoption decree was handed to us on August 4th, our journey chugs along just like every other parenting journey in the world.

Owlette and Blippi, ready for treats!

The past three months have both flown by and crept along.  It's true what they say:  The days are long but the weeks are short.  We still feel a bit in limbo trying to find our "new normal."  We're not quite sure what that looks like, or if we'll ever really find it.  But for two Type-A parents, it's important for us to feel like we have some sort of control over the future.  That's probably a pipe dream for a parent, but it's one we'll go down in flames trying to pursue.

While we search for the proverbial "new normal," we do feel it's important for people to know it hasn't been an easy road and we have frequently found ourselves questioning God's plan.  In the middle of the daily battles, we literally cry out:  "This isn't what we signed up for, God!"

Behind every smiling picture are hours of tears and rage that go undocumented.  Follow our Instagram accounts and you'll see scores of picture-perfect moments like this one from the pumpkin patch.  But you won't see the reality of a special-needs breakdown that forces you to leave a half-filled grocery cart in the store.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  (James 1:2-3, NIV)  Our faith is being tested, sometimes on an hourly basis.  The true test here is whether we believe God's purpose.

God is all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving.  So, if we aren't exactly where we're supposed to be it means that God either a) doesn't know about it, b) can't do anything about it, or c) doesn't love us enough to change our circumstances.  We refuse to allow any of those statements to linger because we know they are lies planted by the Great Deceiver.

We have failed.  The moments where we all flip our lids are too numerous to count.  But we are learning, just as Niky is, how to be in this family.   We continue to raise our Hallelujahs and we remind ourselves that it's not by power or by strength, but by his Spirit.  And we know these trials are pure joy.

The Etters at Home

The road to adoption isn't easy.  Anyone who has followed our journey knows this to be true.  But life after adoption is no cakewalk either.  All of the training, videos, podcasts, books, classes and advice could not prepare us for life with our newest family member.  And yet, we have all grown over the past month since Niky became our son (and brother).

Retrospect is everything and looking back, we're not sure which was harder:  life with a newborn or life with a newly adopted, special needs four-year old.  They both rank up there as pretty much the hardest things we've ever done.  But we haven't been alone.  In the beginning, in that tiny Bulgarian apartment, we lived 15 minutes at a time with our new Niky, raising a "hallelujah" to thank God for getting us through another quarter hour unscathed.  Over time we gradually started to live day by day, praising Him for living to see another bedtime.  Now the days blur into weeks and we're watching progress in motion for a little boy who was all but given up on.

James 1:2 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance."  It's been a difficult few weeks in the Etter home, and I can't say we've always responded to the tests with faith and grace.  But we do know that the more we lean on the Spirit of God we are proving our faith in Him.  I can distinctly recall each and every moment my tear-filled eyes cried out to God:  "This is too hard!  I can't do this!"  And I can also just as distinctly hear the voice of God replying back to me:  "Not by power or by might, but by my spirit."

Get Out of the Boat

This past Sunday, our pastor gave a sermon about Jesus walking on water.  How many times have I heard that story in my lifetime?  It's always been one of my favorite miracles from the Gospels.  We've even performed the scene during Christmas Live for the past few years.

You know how it goes:  The disciples start crossing the Sea of Galilee and a storm comes up.  Meanwhile, Jesus was back on land praying.  Then suddenly, the disciples see a "ghost" walking on the water!  They realize it's Jesus and Peter (a man after my own heart!) wants in on the miracle, so he steps out onto the water too. 

Did you catch that?  He stepped out on the water too.  Peter, a simple human with no God-like power whatsoever, stepped out and walked on water.  How did he do it?

Simple:  Jesus.  Oh, and the fact that Peter was willing to step out of the boat.

There is nothing in this world that could make you believe that you can walk on water.  It's just not physically possible!  Likewise, there is nothing in this world that can make the Etter family believe they can adopt a special needs child filled with trauma and show him the love of a family.

In just seven days, our lives as we know them will be forever changed.  We reminisce back to those few days before Vivien was born.  There was so much that we didn't know.  Nothing can prepare a new parent for the upheaval that a new child brings.  The same is true now for this new addition to our family.  There are plenty of unknowns.   We are excited and just a smidge terrified of them!

When we pick up Nikolay, we will be forever ripping him from the only home he has ever known.  There will be sadness and mourning that we will share with him over this.  He will grieve his life as he knew it, and we will also grieve our lives as well.   It will be difficult and tiresome for all of us - like any family with a new addition.  We will adapt, and we will learn, and we will love.

If there is anything we've learned over these last two-and-a-half years, it's to lean in on God.  Because adoption, much like parenting in general, is not done by our might or power, but by the Spirit of the Lord.

The Pick-up Trip

Our official pick-up date is August 5, 2019.  This will be the first day of the rest of our lives.  Our son will officially be ours.  While there's a court document out there somewhere saying we are his parents, we won't obtain custody until the morning of August 5th.  

We will spend about 10 days in his country while his Visa and passport are processed and then we'll make the long trek to his forever home.

We are as ready as we can be.  His room is just about ready, doctors' appointments have been scheduled, meals have been prepped, and we are ready to expect the unexpected.

As we travel (Aug 3-14), please continue to pray.  Here are the specifics:

• Pray for Vivien and her Grams as they stay at home.
• Pray for the logistics of pick-up, medical appointments and Visa interviews
• Pray for us to be able to bond with our son and vice versa.
• Pray for travel logistics (there's no good way to get from here to there!)

We are excited and overwhelmed - much like any new parents who are expecting.  But God has called us and we will follow.  "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

He created this fingerpainting during our "Meetcha Trip."  We added the hearts and the sun.  Now it's hanging in his room waiting for him.

When he comes home, he'll know he's already part of the family.