Quarantine Cocoon

The #Covidquarantine has been like a major timeout sanctioned by God - something that the Etter family learned to appreciate during the last 13 weeks of confinement within our household.  We stopped.  No restaurants, no shopping trips, no Six Flags, no baseball games, no running and running and running.  We just stopped. 

The "experts" highly recommend cocooning in the days and weeks following an international adoption, an idea at which the very busy and always-moving Etter family scoffed.  We're always on the go, so Niky better get used to it! 

And then God said stop.  Just be. 

So we did.

Like many, our new normal has been a struggle.  We are both blessed to be working full-time from home, but it does come with a new set of challenges as we've been parenting and schooling our two preschoolers while working our jobs.  Vivien's academic preschool had plenty of seat-work for her to do and held Zoom classes at least twice a week.  Niky had a tele-therapy session via Zoom every single weekday, plus two class sessions, and was offered a one-on-one teacher session which we politely declined to participate in because, well let's just say it: no human being, let alone a special needs child, should be subjected to 8 zoom meetings in a single week.

Ready to Zoom!

All of this extra together time has been a struggle, but it's also been a great bonding opportunity for us as a family and has led to the following enlightenment:  Niky today is the boy we thought we were picking up in August.  What do we mean by this?  Our expectations of Niky's cognitive capabilities and interests were significantly above and beyond what he was capable of during the days and weeks after we picked him up and brought him home.  This realization came to us after dinner last night.  Last night Niky was sitting on the floor reading a Seek & Find book, pointing to pictures and asking "What the?"

Eight months ago, Niky didn't have enough language, either in English or Bulgarian, to express this question, nor did he have any interest in sitting still, let alone looking at a picture book for any length of time.  This is a testament to just how far he has come in 10 months.  Now his current favorite activity is playing "peek-a-boo."  We are keenly aware of how far he has come, and yet how far he still has to go.

We used to have bad days...now we just have bad moments and they (mostly) never feel insurmountable like they once did.  And we have bonded significantly and learned to trust each other, which makes the tantrums and trauma slightly more bearable and certainly more understandable.  

We hope you, too, have had a chance to breathe.  Amidst all of the uncertainty, the fear, the isolation, one thing has always remained:  God is in control.  He knows what we need, even when we think we're doing just fine.

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!

Hold everything and alert the presses: The Etter Family has an adoption court date!!!!

On June 21, 2019, a national judge in a faraway country will officially grant that the Etters have a son!

We do not have to be present for this court ruling.  Part of the adoption paperwork process is obtaining background investigations, medical records, and home study reports so mind-mindbogglingly thorough that the adoption agency attorney is able to represent us, an American couple she has never met or even spoken to or communicated with.

Viv sees a light at the end of the Rainbow!

What happens next?  We should hear of the judge's ruling by the end of that day, or early the next day (after all, they are 5 hours ahead of us over there).  Then we'll be invited on Trip 2:  The Pick-up Trip.  And then, at long last, we'll be a family of 4!!

We expect to travel 4-6 weeks after the court date - so by the end of July. 

Please continue to pray for us as we anticipate this added blessing to our family...we know there will some tough times ahead of us, but we also know that we have the support of so many of you, and that we're not in this alone!  Above all, God is in control! 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you."

A Mother's Day Reflection from an Imperfect Mom

Let's face it....this motherhood thing is h-a-to-the-r-d.

Viv, c. April 2015

There are many times that I feel like a failure as a mom:  When my infant was declared "failure to thrive" because of her slow weight gain.  Or when she wasn't sitting up at 6 months like the books said she should be.  Or when she couldn't count to 10 by her first birthday like my friend's kid could.

Or like last week, when she completely and blatantly ignored my requests to get her water bottle and sit at the table to get ready for dinner.   It wasn't her behavior that made me feel like a failure, per se.  It was when I raised my voice out of exasperation (desperation?) and yelled at her to "listen to mommy!" I knew I had reached my breaking point, flipped my lid, and broke one of the cardinal rules of Connected Parenting.

"That's it," I thought to myself and said to God.  "I can't do this mom thing.  I'm not good at it and there's no way God will allow me to adopt a traumatized child when I can't even lovingly discipline my own biological child."

The enemy loves to steal our hope and feed us lies, doesn't he?  I have moments like these more frequently than I care to admit to you face to face.  I'm supposed to look like I have it all together and that my well-behaved little angel is a picture of perfection and a direct reflection of my unparalleled parenting skills.

Back to the incident in question:  as soon as I raised my voice, Vivien promptly got her water bottle and settled herself at the dining room table.  But that didn't erase the fact that I had lost my cool.  As we were eating and I was feeling like a failure for the umpteenth time that day, she looked up at me and softly said "I didn't listen, mommy.  I should get a timeout."  And with that, she left her seat at the table, climbed the stairs, and put herself in her room for a self-inflicted timeout as Justin and I sat dumbfoundedly starting at each other.

Could it be?  Are we doing something right?  What three-year-old puts herself in timeout?

I wish I could say that this incident is the norm in the Etter house, but lest you think we're super-parents, let me assure you that it is far from typical.  To date, that was the only time Vivien has inflicted a self-induced punishment.  And she still drives me up the wall when she blatantly ignores me.

But I do think that God gives us those "parenting wins" when we need them most.  I was in a very dark place, questioning my qualifications as a mother, when He spoke to me, through Vivien's actions, and said "See?  You can do this!  You're not a failure!"

There many times I still question my motherhood credentials, and sometimes I even let the lies bubble up to tears.  But it doesn't take much for God to bring me back into His truth. It's when Viv cuddles under the covers on the couch to watch Homeward Bound for the 3rd time in a week.  It's when she reminds us to stop and say Grace before eating a hectic, thrown-together lunch on the go.  It's when she thanks God for her big sister during her goodnight prayers.

And in those moments, I know I'm doing something right.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25)