The End of the Journey to Jenny

On Monday, June 18th, we received the phone call we'd been praying for since December:  The Ministry approved our Article 5 Letter!  This meant that we could now petition the local courts in Jenny's region to set a date for the adoption hearing.  As soon as I heard the news, I started mentally packing our bags and putting a hold on our mail.

There was just one pretty big devastating snag of a hiccup: On the same day a foster family from Jenny's country had finally stepped forward for her.

If you've been following our journey from the beginning, you probably already know what that means.  The current administration in her country is extremely nationalistic and wants their kids to stay put.  This means that even an out-of-the-blue foster family > a willing, able and loving family from a foreign country.  Even if that foreign family has been waiting and praying specifically for her for over 18 months.  

Even if that family has a bedroom already prepared for her.  
Even if that family has already consulted the world's best pediatric pulmonary doctors.
Even if that family's friends and loved ones have prayed and donated time, efforts, resources and acts of every kindness to bring her home.
Even if that family thought they were following God's plan to make Jenny their daughter.   

A room full of books, clothes, gifts, and love - all ready for Jenny.

Our only thread of hope was that the potential foster family would be found inadequate to care for her and her special needs.  We prayed.  But we weren't sure exactly what we were praying for.

The news came two days later, in a place and a way that only God could have orchestrated.  

It was Adoption Advocacy Day and we were in Washington DC, literally on the steps of the Capitol Building with an agenda chock full of meetings with New Jersey Congressmen and Senators.  We were surrounded by a busload of various adoption professionals, including two from our own adoption agency, when we got the most devastating news: Jenny's potential foster family was actually perfect for her and wanted to adopt her.

And just like that, our journey to Jenny had come to an end.

We realized the irony of our devastation.  For Jenny, it means not having to leave the only country, culture and language she's ever known.  It means she'll get a forever family...and wasn't that what this journey was all about in the first place?

But our hurt is deep.  The wound is still raw.  How do you grieve the loss of something you never really had to begin with?  Yes, we're questioning God.  Why?  How could this happen?  Did we not hear His direction clearly?  Were we wrong?  Was this not His will for our family?  Why allow us to get this far?  

Did we travel this journey to be humbled?  To be refined?  To strengthen relationships with many of you who have supported us along the way? Did we experience this loss so that we could comfort others on similar journeys?  Did our own journey raise awareness in Jenny's country and ultimately allow her to find her perfect forever family?  Was our journey to Jenny really just a catalyst to a bigger journey yet to be known or to another child whom God has planned for us?

The answers may never come, and we have to be okay with that.  Because God really is bigger.  His ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans (Isaiah 55:8-9).  

Make no mistake:  Jenny will always be part of our family.  When you come visit us, you will be greeted by her pictures hanging on our walls. Vivien will still speak of her "big sister" and we'll still pray for her every night. And we will run to her and embrace her as our own in the Promised Land someday.  

This may be the end of "The Journey to Jenny," but the road is still stretched far ahead of us and we know the One who guides us forward.  Thank you, friend, for being along for the ride.  

One Year Later

It was exactly one year ago today, on a cold January 3rd morning, when we knew our family would be expanding to include the adorable, dark-haired, spunky child featured all over these pages.

As the dust settles on another hectic holiday season, we've been quietly reflecting on all that 2017 has meant to us and all that it has taught us.  And even though Jenny is still so far away, she somehow seems closer than ever.  It's only a matter of God's time.  Soon we will board a plane to Eastern Europe.  Until that invitation comes, however, we want to reflect on this journey and thank all who have personally been touched by it.

January 2017 - It began when we read an article by our new bestie, Crystal Kupper.  Crystal and her family have become dear friends, sharing holidays, birthdays, and rejoicing in every milestone in our adoption journey.  We can't wait for Jenny to meet her "Auntie Crystal" - the woman, the mentor, the legend.  We submit a "Letter of Intent" to adopt Jenny and begin the long, arduous process of completing a homestudy.

April 2017 -  With an almost-completed homestudy in our pockets, we get the news that Jenny is able to be adopted by an American family and we are on our way to being approved for her!  This was huge news that came after a halt was placed on all international adoptions from Jenny's country. An exception was made for her since she's considered "difficult to place" due to her respiratory condition.

May 2017 - We go public with our news and confuse quite a few people by stating that Vivien is going to become a "little sister!"  We are more than overwhelmed by the love and support of our friends and family, many of whom have also been touched by adoption and fostering in some way.  We become sponges, soaking up advice and well-wishes.  Our fundraising efforts will top well over $5,000 by the end of the calendar year - a testament to God's provision along this expensive and uncertain path forged by faith. 

Summer 2017 - Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork.  We are busy obtaining fingerprints, birth certificates, and blood samples (literally) to submit our dossier to Jenny's country.  By the middle of September, every necessary document, certified twice over, is en route to the adoption agency in Jenny's country.  We are also blessed by numerous fundraising efforts, from LuLaRoe to yardsales.

 


October 2017 - Jenny's country submits her medical information, birth certificate and other court documents to us in an official referral.  Of course, we say YES to this referral and quickly apply to USCIS to begin the process to obtain a VISA for her.  We also learn quite a bit more about her medical condition, current living arrangements, and custodial history.  We connect with the international adoption department at CHOP as well as their pulmonology department in order to prepare for her arrival in our family.  We also complete a 9 week adoption course called Empowered to Connect which equips us with strategies to parent a child from a hard place.

December 2017 - The US has approved Jenny's VISA and the file is forwarded to the central authority in Jenny's country for final approval.  All of our i's are dotted and our t's are crossed.  Now we wait, and we pray, and we prepare for the journey to bring Jenny home.

The High; The Low; But God

An emotional roller coaster.  That's what this journey is.  And if it's done nothing else, it has strengthened our faith in God.  For his mercy, his grace, his wisdom, and his provision.

Yesterday, in a matter of hours, we went from the highest high to the scariest low.

The High

The adoption agency emailed us to let us know we got Jenny's referral and it's in the process of being translated!!  This is HUGE news.  It means that the authorities in her country have determined us to be a suitable family for this precious child and they are now "referring" her to us for adoption (like it was their idea!)  Normally, this is when a family will be introduced to their potential child and they'll review the child's file and records and make a decision to either adopt that child or ask for the referral of another child.

Obviously we had already prayed about and made this decision way back in January.  Jenny is ours.

The Etters are all in!

Once we get the official referral after it's translated, we will be able to send it to US Citizenship & Immigration Services (USCIS) for their approval of Jenny.  (As you'll recall, they have already approved us as a family...now they need to approve the child).  Once they approve her for immigration to the US, they will kick her file over to the US Dept of State and we'll begin to work on obtaining her Immigrant VISA.

Meanwhile, in Jenny's country they will be working on assigning her case to a court and a judge who will then set a date for the proceedings and determine the amount of bonding time they will require for us prior to the court date.  They will tell us when and for long long we will travel.

We see a light at the end of this adoption paperwork tunnel.  God is inching the door open and we can almost squeeze through!  This is actually happening!

The Low

The realities of adopting a child with special needs is not lost on us.  We do not enter into this lightly, and we have calculated the cost of adopting a child from a hard place with extra special needs.  The emotional baggage that Jenny will bring in addition to her physical baggage is daunting.  

We are currently in the middle of a 9 week adoptive parenting course called Empowered to Connect.  One of our homework assignments was to "count the cost" of our adoption.  Our answers were "money and time".  She's going to need medical care, speech therapy, and probably psychological care as well.  These things may or may not be covered by our medical insurance.  And they will certainly cost us time:  time away from our jobs as we run her to doctors appointment and meet with her teachers, time away from Vivien as we deal with Jenny's needs.  The cost is overwhelming.

We haven't studied this hard since college!

A few hours after we got confirmation of the referral, we had a consultation with a doctor from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia's International Adoption Program.  She was very familiar with the typical needs of internationally adopted children and she shed some light on the potential cognitive and development issues that Jenny might experience as an institutionalized child.     

She also gave us some things to consider regarding Jenny's physical limitations due to her "chronic respiratory failure at night."  While she couldn't make definitive recommendations due to the lack of official medical files for this child on the other side of the world, she did want us to consider the fact that Jenny might need an in-home nurse to monitor her each night and that many commercial airlines may not allow a mechanically ventilated passenger so we need to consider how we're going to get her home.  The very expensive-sounding words "medical transport" were used.

But God

We left the consultation enlightened.  It's impossible to know everything that Jenny will need or experience until she's home and in our care.  But for now we have some homework to do and some phone calls to our insurance company to make.  We have a direction.  And that direction is forward.  It's a direction ordained by God and he has laid the path ahead of us.  We travel forward knowing where our help comes from.

I life up my eyes to the mountains - 

ehere does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - 

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you - 

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm - 

he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

This is not a Political Post

This isn't a political post, but let's start by saying that if you are going to pursue an international adoption, New Jersey is quite possibly the worst state you could have to deal with.*

Happy Independence Day!  (Next year with Jenny!)

Over the course of this adoption journey, we will have to deal with the governments in 2 different countries and 3 different states.  Compared to other families, this is a piece of cake.  As our dear friend Crystal likes to remind us, at least we aren't an American family, living in England, and adopting from Armenia.  Yes, I guess that's true, but Crystal never had to deal with the state government of New Jersey, so let's compare war stories once this is all finished!

For those unfamiliar with the intricate workings of state and national governments when it comes to adoption-related documents, let us give you a break down:

Pennsylvania:  We need to have the PA Dept of State authenticate, or apostille, Justin's birth certificate, the notarized copy of our home study, and our social worker's license.   They charge $15 per document and PA's processing time for apostilles is listed on their website as "5 days" (if you mail it in) or "while you wait" if you venture into Harrisburg in person.  (Note there is no additional fee for invoking the "while you wait" option).

North Carolina:  Since we were married in NC, their Dept of State needed to authenticate our marriage certificate.  We mailed them our marriage certificate and the meager $10 fee (regular mail, mind you) on June 1. On June 12, we had the apostille back in our hands.

United States:  Our FBI clearance letters, assuming we ever get them back, will need to be sent to the US Dept of State since they are nationally issued letters.  Fees:  a steal at $8.00 per document. Processing Time:  11 days (plus transit time).

The US Department of State issued Viv's passport and now she's ready to go get her big sister!

New Jersey:  We have precisely 13 documents that will need to be sent to the NJ Department of State to be authenticated.  At $5.00 per document, this is the best deal so far!  But that's where the deal ends.  Processing time is estimated to be 20 days (assuming the government doesn't shut down in the middle of the process) + transit time.  Whoa!  20 days!  And we're pretty sure they really mean "business days", but since NJ was the only site that didn't list a phone number or email address, there's really no way for us to call and find out.  Luckily they do have 3 expedited options available:  For an extra $20 per document, we can have them done in 8.5 business hours (we think that extra half hour is due to their lunch break? Or maybe they allow time for the copier to jam?)  But wait!  There are even faster options!  For a mere $500 extra per document, they can be done in 2 hours and for an extra $1,000 per document, they'll be done in 1 hour!  What a bargain!

Oh, it can't be that bad, can it?  We're currently testing their claims.  We sent in Tara's birth certificate on June 19.  They still haven't cashed the check, but then again, we're only on day 14 out of 20.  The clock, however, has stopped ticking on this until our political leaders learn to play nicely.  Please note: Being realists, we don't actually expect to see the birth certificate ever again and we're actually ordering another one as a replacement.

Oh, and the other little tidbit that dispels the warm, fuzzy feeling of leaving the fate of our adoption, and Jenny's life, in the hands of New Jersey's capable and not-at-all disgruntled employees**:  if you ask one of our newest friends who adopted from Russia 5 years ago, their first-hand testimony indicates that the state of New Jersey almost single-handedly cost them their entire adoption.  We don't have the details on how or why, but we can't say we're terribly shocked.

Viv has her bag packed and can't wait to show Jenny her present from the McCulloughs!

This is where our faith in God comes in.  He's the one who started the engines on this journey and we know that He will be faithful to complete this good work.  We know there are many of you who are praying over our documents and we can't thank you enough. We've seen how His timing is perfect and our faith is made stronger in the midst of this uncertainty.  We can't imagine doing this without his peace and guidance.

How did we get this peace?  How can YOU get this same peace?  Hear the words of the apostle Paul, as inspired by the Holy Spirit 2,000 years ago and explained by John Piper in the video below.

http://www.desiringgod.org/labs/the-heart-of-fearless-contentment

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philipians 4:4-7, NIV)

*Our opinion based on immediate, personal circumstances.  Note that we have not researched wait times or fees associated with the 47 other states in the union not addressed in this blog post.  There could quite possibly be a worse state than NJ.  Maybe.  But since NJ did completely shut down right in the middle of our journey, we're going to stick with our assumption that it is, indeed, the absolute worst by default.  

**This statement is a gross generalization and is in no way intended to be a reflection of all New Jersey government employees.  We happen to know many wonderful state employees to whom we would gladly entrust our most precious documents.  Sadly for us, however, none of them work for the Division of Revenue and Enterprise Services.

UPDATE: Home Study Complete & USCIS Application in the mail!

First of all, thank you to everyone who has been following this journey with us.  We appreciate your prayers and your encouragement.  Many of you have asked for an update on where we are in the journey, and honestly, there really hasn't been any progress on the path.  UNTIL NOW!

The Etter Home Study:  ✓✓✓Complete!✓✓✓

Our Home Study has been finalized and is in our hands!  Not only that, but less than 12 hours after receiving the notarized home study, we have slipped it, along with our I-800-A "Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country" to US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), into the (hopefully) capable hands of the United States Postal Service.

Now, we wait for USCIS to tell us when and where we need to go to be fingerprinted for the third time, and with any luck,  we'll have their approval within a month!

In the meantime,  we continue to work on getting all of the documents, notaries, and seals for our dossier.  We each had to get some more bloodwork done, and our Birth Certificates are floating around somewhere in limbo between various state capitals and our house.  Oh, and our second sets of fingerprints have been laying on someone's desk at the FBI for about a month now.   (We're getting worried about this poor FBI agent because clearly he or she is on some sort of extended leave of absence sitting on a serene beach in Hawaii watching the sunset.  Or worse - perhaps he went AWOL and no one knows what happened to him or his case files and so no one has any idea we even submitted our fingerprints!  Or maybe he just spilled coffee all over the prints and is too embarrassed to tell us.  Whatever the case, we forgive you, Mr. FBI Agent!  Just hurry up!) 

At any rate, please continue to pray over these documents and the people who need to process them for us.   We know it's all in God's perfect timing,  and while our journey is far from over,  we rejoice in knowing he just lifted us and Jenny to a giant leap forward!

✓