Family in Waiting

There's something special about this time of year.  Spring flowers, freshly cut grass, and chirping birds are the harbingers of longer days and warmer temps.  They bring a certain hope.  A hope to grasp and cling to.

At this very moment, we are at the exact same place on the international adoption timeline where we were with the adoption of "Jenny."  The US Embassy in N's country has issued the "Article 5 Letter" to the Ministry in N's country.  This letter essentially states that the adoption is copacetic with all of the Hague requirements of an international adoption and that N is allowed to immigrate to the US as our child.

Now we're waiting for a court date.  The court proceedings will take place in N's country and a member of the adoption agency will represent us which will save us a trip across the world.  Once the judge decrees the adoption as official, N will get his passport and we'll be invited to go pick him up.

We've been here before. And we take nothing for granted.  We have heard that no judge has denied a family in Hague history.  After all, to make it even this far requires much effort and scrutiny from both American and foreign authorities.

A picture Vivien drew of her with her little brother (Apr 27, 2019).

It has been a while since our last blog post - and people are starting to wonder.  Golly, even we are starting to wonder.  Where's our paperwork?  Who's our judge?  Why haven't we been given a court date yet?  Every week that passes is another week without our son.  It's a week farther from the bonds that we tried to leave with him back in March.

Until we get the call, we'll keep praying:  Father, please put our paperwork into the right hands today.  Allow our case to be scheduled and progress to be made on this journey.  And in the meantime, please continue to prepare our hearts and minds to add this little one to our home.  In Christ's precious and all-powerful name, Amen.  

The End of the Journey to Jenny

On Monday, June 18th, we received the phone call we'd been praying for since December:  The Ministry approved our Article 5 Letter!  This meant that we could now petition the local courts in Jenny's region to set a date for the adoption hearing.  As soon as I heard the news, I started mentally packing our bags and putting a hold on our mail.

There was just one pretty big devastating snag of a hiccup: On the same day a foster family from Jenny's country had finally stepped forward for her.

If you've been following our journey from the beginning, you probably already know what that means.  The current administration in her country is extremely nationalistic and wants their kids to stay put.  This means that even an out-of-the-blue foster family > a willing, able and loving family from a foreign country.  Even if that foreign family has been waiting and praying specifically for her for over 18 months.  

Even if that family has a bedroom already prepared for her.  
Even if that family has already consulted the world's best pediatric pulmonary doctors.
Even if that family's friends and loved ones have prayed and donated time, efforts, resources and acts of every kindness to bring her home.
Even if that family thought they were following God's plan to make Jenny their daughter.   

A room full of books, clothes, gifts, and love - all ready for Jenny.

Our only thread of hope was that the potential foster family would be found inadequate to care for her and her special needs.  We prayed.  But we weren't sure exactly what we were praying for.

The news came two days later, in a place and a way that only God could have orchestrated.  

It was Adoption Advocacy Day and we were in Washington DC, literally on the steps of the Capitol Building with an agenda chock full of meetings with New Jersey Congressmen and Senators.  We were surrounded by a busload of various adoption professionals, including two from our own adoption agency, when we got the most devastating news: Jenny's potential foster family was actually perfect for her and wanted to adopt her.

And just like that, our journey to Jenny had come to an end.

We realized the irony of our devastation.  For Jenny, it means not having to leave the only country, culture and language she's ever known.  It means she'll get a forever family...and wasn't that what this journey was all about in the first place?

But our hurt is deep.  The wound is still raw.  How do you grieve the loss of something you never really had to begin with?  Yes, we're questioning God.  Why?  How could this happen?  Did we not hear His direction clearly?  Were we wrong?  Was this not His will for our family?  Why allow us to get this far?  

Did we travel this journey to be humbled?  To be refined?  To strengthen relationships with many of you who have supported us along the way? Did we experience this loss so that we could comfort others on similar journeys?  Did our own journey raise awareness in Jenny's country and ultimately allow her to find her perfect forever family?  Was our journey to Jenny really just a catalyst to a bigger journey yet to be known or to another child whom God has planned for us?

The answers may never come, and we have to be okay with that.  Because God really is bigger.  His ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans (Isaiah 55:8-9).  

Make no mistake:  Jenny will always be part of our family.  When you come visit us, you will be greeted by her pictures hanging on our walls. Vivien will still speak of her "big sister" and we'll still pray for her every night. And we will run to her and embrace her as our own in the Promised Land someday.  

This may be the end of "The Journey to Jenny," but the road is still stretched far ahead of us and we know the One who guides us forward.  Thank you, friend, for being along for the ride.  

Where's Jenny?

"So what's the hold up?  I thought you'd have Jenny home by now!"

Yeah, so did we.

Viv says "This would be so much more fun with my big sister!"

It seems that the hold up is the result of many things that are much bigger than we anticipated.  When we began this journey, we knew there were some issues in Jenny's country that may present a few hurdles along the way, but we never imagined a delay this long or the possibility of an outright denial.

Since we're being asked almost daily what some of the issues are, or how you can pray specifically, here's a rundown:

National Pride 
The current administration in Jenny's country is very nationalistic, which is admittedly an admirable quality.  After all, aren't we Americans as proud as anyone of our country?  As such, the leaders in her country are very adamant that their orphans remain there, even if no domestic family can be found for the child. 

We knew this to be the case shortly after we found Jenny on Reece's Rainbow.  We hadn't even begun our Home Study yet when we were told that all international adoptions in her country were put on hold due to new legislation.  By God's providence, Jenny was determined to have international status in large part due to her "difficult life and health situation."

Regulation Nation
Lest we begin to cast all of the blame on the officials in Jenny's country, we should take a step back and see the bigger picture.  Over the past month, a spotlight has begun to shine on issues with international adoptions in general - not just those in Jenny's country.

Fox News Video

A mere 1 week after our adoption agency flew to Jenny's country to advocate for us, Fox News @ Nite aired the clip above.  Two days later, a friend from church handed me her copy of World Magazine which featured the following article:  "Regulatory Orphans."

Just Google "Decline in International Adoptions" and you will come upon dozens of hits, most dated within the past few weeks.   Our own state department is making it more and more difficult for US families to adopt children from other countries.  One by one countries are dropping out of international adoptions altogether.  Russia, Guatemala, Ethiopia, and now it looks like even Japan and Korea are making it more difficult for their children to be adopted abroad. 

So what can we do? Pray.  Pray for international adoptions.  Pray for the families that have invested so much time, emotions and money into this process.  Pray for the children, many of whom are institutionalized and/or with special needs.  Pray for God's intercession.

And raise awareness of this issue.  I don't think we've heard the end of this story just yet.  Our journey is far from over.

This is not a Political Post

This isn't a political post, but let's start by saying that if you are going to pursue an international adoption, New Jersey is quite possibly the worst state you could have to deal with.*

Happy Independence Day!  (Next year with Jenny!)

Over the course of this adoption journey, we will have to deal with the governments in 2 different countries and 3 different states.  Compared to other families, this is a piece of cake.  As our dear friend Crystal likes to remind us, at least we aren't an American family, living in England, and adopting from Armenia.  Yes, I guess that's true, but Crystal never had to deal with the state government of New Jersey, so let's compare war stories once this is all finished!

For those unfamiliar with the intricate workings of state and national governments when it comes to adoption-related documents, let us give you a break down:

Pennsylvania:  We need to have the PA Dept of State authenticate, or apostille, Justin's birth certificate, the notarized copy of our home study, and our social worker's license.   They charge $15 per document and PA's processing time for apostilles is listed on their website as "5 days" (if you mail it in) or "while you wait" if you venture into Harrisburg in person.  (Note there is no additional fee for invoking the "while you wait" option).

North Carolina:  Since we were married in NC, their Dept of State needed to authenticate our marriage certificate.  We mailed them our marriage certificate and the meager $10 fee (regular mail, mind you) on June 1. On June 12, we had the apostille back in our hands.

United States:  Our FBI clearance letters, assuming we ever get them back, will need to be sent to the US Dept of State since they are nationally issued letters.  Fees:  a steal at $8.00 per document. Processing Time:  11 days (plus transit time).

The US Department of State issued Viv's passport and now she's ready to go get her big sister!

New Jersey:  We have precisely 13 documents that will need to be sent to the NJ Department of State to be authenticated.  At $5.00 per document, this is the best deal so far!  But that's where the deal ends.  Processing time is estimated to be 20 days (assuming the government doesn't shut down in the middle of the process) + transit time.  Whoa!  20 days!  And we're pretty sure they really mean "business days", but since NJ was the only site that didn't list a phone number or email address, there's really no way for us to call and find out.  Luckily they do have 3 expedited options available:  For an extra $20 per document, we can have them done in 8.5 business hours (we think that extra half hour is due to their lunch break? Or maybe they allow time for the copier to jam?)  But wait!  There are even faster options!  For a mere $500 extra per document, they can be done in 2 hours and for an extra $1,000 per document, they'll be done in 1 hour!  What a bargain!

Oh, it can't be that bad, can it?  We're currently testing their claims.  We sent in Tara's birth certificate on June 19.  They still haven't cashed the check, but then again, we're only on day 14 out of 20.  The clock, however, has stopped ticking on this until our political leaders learn to play nicely.  Please note: Being realists, we don't actually expect to see the birth certificate ever again and we're actually ordering another one as a replacement.

Oh, and the other little tidbit that dispels the warm, fuzzy feeling of leaving the fate of our adoption, and Jenny's life, in the hands of New Jersey's capable and not-at-all disgruntled employees**:  if you ask one of our newest friends who adopted from Russia 5 years ago, their first-hand testimony indicates that the state of New Jersey almost single-handedly cost them their entire adoption.  We don't have the details on how or why, but we can't say we're terribly shocked.

Viv has her bag packed and can't wait to show Jenny her present from the McCulloughs!

This is where our faith in God comes in.  He's the one who started the engines on this journey and we know that He will be faithful to complete this good work.  We know there are many of you who are praying over our documents and we can't thank you enough. We've seen how His timing is perfect and our faith is made stronger in the midst of this uncertainty.  We can't imagine doing this without his peace and guidance.

How did we get this peace?  How can YOU get this same peace?  Hear the words of the apostle Paul, as inspired by the Holy Spirit 2,000 years ago and explained by John Piper in the video below.

http://www.desiringgod.org/labs/the-heart-of-fearless-contentment

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philipians 4:4-7, NIV)

*Our opinion based on immediate, personal circumstances.  Note that we have not researched wait times or fees associated with the 47 other states in the union not addressed in this blog post.  There could quite possibly be a worse state than NJ.  Maybe.  But since NJ did completely shut down right in the middle of our journey, we're going to stick with our assumption that it is, indeed, the absolute worst by default.  

**This statement is a gross generalization and is in no way intended to be a reflection of all New Jersey government employees.  We happen to know many wonderful state employees to whom we would gladly entrust our most precious documents.  Sadly for us, however, none of them work for the Division of Revenue and Enterprise Services.

One Step Back

On Jan 18th we received news that Jenny's country, although part of the Hague Convention, had put a ban on all international adoptions.  Because her country is a Convention country, we knew that the ban would have to be temporary.  We knew the Ministry would eventually allow children to be adopted by families abroad once more, but we didn't know when and under what circumstances.

Apparently, a few years ago, a little girl had been adopted from Jenny's country and some bad things happened.  We aren't sure exactly what happened, but it was bad enough for the country to instill a ban on all adoptions from other countries.

Rumors began flying all over social media about the situation.  We remained optimistic, however, since Jenny is considered "difficult to place" because of her disability.  It was our understanding, from our placing agency, that children considered difficult to place (ie those with a certificate of disability or children in large sibling groups) would eventually be eligible for international adoption once more.  The concern was that all of the children had to be re-classified for this eligibility.  And that could take months!

Justin and I were certain God wanted Jenny to be an Etter.  This was His plan.  We were just doing what He wanted us to do.  So, with no approval from the Adoption Center in Jenny's country, and no guarantee that Jenny would ever be eligible to be adopted by us, we bowed our heads once more, took a leap of faith, and dove headfirst into our Home Study.

The Home Study process, as I've mentioned before, is where you pay a social worker to completely and utterly invade your privacy, dig up old skeletons, and air your dirty laundry.

Our Home Study Checklist

Our Home Study would cost us about 1/7th of our entire estimated adoption expenses.  So, moving forward with it at this point with no approvals was akin to putting a down payment on a boat without an anchor.  But we trusted God.  When you're obeying Him, you're never wrong.

We started the Home Study process on Jan 20.  As of April 21, we've completed all of our requirements in the checklist above.  Ok, God...now we wait.